The Mopané Experience: Emotional Freedom.

“What are you doing from 18th to 21st February? I’d like to invite you for a retreat.” This is the WhatsApp I received that would lead me into a space of awakening, abundance and re-ignition.

Mentors don’t look for their mentored, mentored look for their mentors or so I believed till I received this message from mine. I was shocked because she’s one of those people I am still in awe of, as in I am star struck every time I am in her presence yet she’s so down to earth but my mind can’t seem to comprehend that. I was honored and humbled that she even thought of me and asked. So, I packed my bags up ready to go to the Island in spite of the fact I fear anything to do with water, boats etc. (Kyakabale’s boat ruined water for me, the whole “balance the boat” experience! Those who know, know!) but this 2021 I am daring to jump out of my comfort zone. What better way to start. I didn’t know what to expect but I knew I was excited, from the moment I was added to the WhatsApp group, I didn’t scan the list of members I wanted to be surprised and boy was I surprised!

First of all, there’s no KK Beach, its more of KK floods. The pier, sand all those are non-existent. Now my water phobia just shot up when we got to the pick-up point(KK beach), I had to engage my self-talk, amp myself kubanga I was getting to that Island one way or another(please note this place can be accessed via road through Mukono but my mind had purposed to get over this fear) My elder sister had sent me a voice note to thoroughly enjoy myself and not hold back, this was in regard to the boat ride: I purposed to do so. The person I sat next to on the boat ride was visibly scared but she told me that music calmed her down, she even had her own speaker (hahaha, talk about caring your joy with you!) so we played music for the entire boat: tumbiza sound was our first song and it was uphill from there. We took pictures, videos of the water generally distracted ourselves through this 50-minute ride. As we approached the place we would be calling home for next 3 nights, my jaw dropped: the owner clearly had thought about this place. The resort was built around nature: tall palm trees, muvule trees, some had been cut down but the logs were placed around the trunk of the tree like a hut(picture below), terraced gardens, rock & stone path ways it was beautiful. I was yet to see what this Lakeside Escape had in store for me. Upon arrival, we were greeted by ululating from our hosts, each one of us received a yellow rose, African print headwrap and a glass of cold juice. The heavenly experience had started.

As we all struggled to climb up the stairway to heaven. This climb showed me muscles I didn’t know existed, there was collective panting and heavy breathing hahahahaha, little did we know that this was a tell-tale sign of not only the physical stretching that awaited us but the emotional and spiritual as well. The rooms were so spacious, still show casing the beauty of nature. Since most of us didn’t know ourselves, our first meal together was filled with a lot of introductory conversation over tea and snacks. The views were to die for especially the one from the bar. As most ladies worked in the NGO world, it didn’t take long for the pairing to begin. I was actually amazed how quickly we meshed, you know how adulting makes something so simple as making friends so difficult. It becomes a mind- heart struggle, what will they think of me? Will they even like me? I shouldn’t have said that, oh dear I over laughed and so on…you know the funny thing, the other person is having the same thoughts too. Adulting or boxing as I call it has inverted our worlds. I remember as children we didn’t even get to know our friends’ names, we would just announced that we were friends and went about playing and enjoying each other’s company but as adult we learn to complicate everything.

After dinner, which was served at 6:30pm we proceeded to a bonfire (picture below) At the entrance was a rectangular frame, draped in a black cloth with twinkle lights wrapped around it. It symbolized a door into the circle of light. Most women kept passing on the side and not threw it, someone mentioned that it disclosed a lot about the character of the person and how they perceived themselves. You can imagine that not only did I go through the door, I started taking selfies to try and get the beautiful frame (self-love, much?) As we settled in for our first session, our host asked us to think about our lives; what are we currently transition from or into? It seems like a simple question, right? Hmmmm… till you have to share this transition with your neighbor. Speaking that truth can be both frightening and exciting. I had already started learning the lesson that I would eventually come to grips with by the end of the retreat, it’s okay to hold two opposing truths. My neighbor as luck would have it, was the same person I had shared a ride with to the pick-up point(KK beach), I had sat next to her during the boat ride and now she was my truth-eater for the first session. What I realized is that it’s not just one thing people are transition from or into, it’s a domino effect. Once you touch one thing, the rest of your beings one way or another align themselves. Do some areas remain dark, sure: but as one of our facilitators said, “which side do you feed the most? Is it the light or the dark side?” That for me began my journey into this unraveling of my dual self. I had reached my breaking point in all aspects of my life, as a mother I was just doing the basic stuff, as a leader I had recoiled back into my cocoon, as a daughter & sister I had put up the biggest façade here because the failures just kept piling up. I felt like an impostor everywhere I looked, how could I offer hope to women and couples yet I was going through the worst brokenness/pain no woman should ever go through twice! This retreat was my life line, it either saved me or confirmed the truths I had been chewing on for a while.

After the bonfire session, our hosts cautioned us to sleep early because at 6:30am we had dance exercise. Now for those who know me, you know I don’t run or do exercises I am not that fitness chic. I’m a walker (this I attribute to being raised in Makerere University, we walked everywhere) So, not knowing what to expect, I listened and slept early. My soundtrack that night was crickets, frogs and the waves of the lake crashing against each other, pure bliss. 6:15am sharp, our facilitators were shouting, “get up, time to shake those bones/body” mine eyes had not seen 6am in a while!!!I am ok with sleeping late but I am not an early riser. This was new. The soundtrack was the birds chirping. As one drew closer to the fireplace area, the Kadongo (music) could be heard, a deep voice counting down “1,2,3,4 let’s go. Turn around, lift your legs…” This was surreal, exercise by the fireplace with the view of Lake Victoria. I dared myself to keep up just so I could keep enjoying the scenery. Of course, we were all huffing and puffing, with a chuckle here and there but it was fun. I’ll tell you this much we ended up enjoying the exercise, we asked the instructor to stay and give us one last session on Sunday morning before we left, this he had not planned for. Accepting to be physically stretched led most of us to actually add exercising back into our daily routines. The wonders that happen when we dare to try.

I won’t go into the details about the rest of days (just organize yourself next year January and attend) instead I’ll share with you some insights.

Being an all-female retreat, we got to unleash many things that had been stifling us first as woman(being) then the roles we play in people’s lives i.e. daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, mothers and then as female leaders. The burden of being female as I used to call it whenever I got my periods, transitions into our everyday lives. The aches and pains of childbirth became something to expect and not complain about more of a rite of passage and here I was looking at beautiful souls whose image of self-had been distorted because of “society, patriarchy, religion and culture.” So, how does one find self in the murk of life? How does one heal and hurt at the same time? How does one move past things they didn’t choose? These questions are not new to me, I have been seeking answers and boy oh boy, did I land on the fountain of knowledge at the Mopane Experience. We are always looked at as strong black women, right? That does something to your vulnerable (not weak) side: it forces you to negate it. This as we know isn’t good for you or good for your emotions. It creates a duality in your life which society, has shun us from possessing. It’s either black or white we have been told, there’s no grey but guess what grey is also a color.

Join me next week for Part 2 of the Mopane Experience. (I’m not a fan of two-part stories but this one really deserves it.)

Until next week,

Kekimuri